ORIENT: One Place, 2 Faces, 3 Paces

One Place, Two Faces, Three Paces
by Lita A. Martija

Four-and-a-half years ago, Japanese American Mimi Engstrom decided to return to Japan, her mother's homeland. She thought she'd like to "rediscover" her roots and find out for herself what was real, imagined or misconceived about this intriguing nation of 124 million, considered by some as being on the crossroads of bunmei kaika, or the coming of enlightenment.
Mimi was born in Tokyo 28 years ago of a cross-cultural marriage. Her father, Alex, is an American. Her mother, Hisa, is a Japanese who was born and raised in Fukuoka, the largest city in the island of Kyushu, some five hours by train from Tokyo. The family moved to the US when Mimi was two. There was understandable apprehension on Mimi's part when, years later, she accepted a job in Japan to work as a sensei, or master teacher, tutoring English to Japanese businessmen. "I was afraid I would be treated as a gaijin (a foreigner)," she recalls.
Although generally received with genuine warmth, foreigners in Japan are looked upon as outsiders. What's more, mastery of the nuances of Japanese culture does not earn assimilation into its society. To be a part of this homogeneous and somewhat exclusionary society, one must be "born into the tribe," look Japanese and be Japanese by bloodline. Mimi, therefore, need not have worried. Her Japanese ancestry and oriental looks got her into the circle.
A Western correspondent once described Japan as a "chain of mountain tops shoved above the Pacific Ocean... (whose) landmass the size ofä Montana stretches like a cat sprawled across the doorway to northern Asia... (Its) magnificently breathtaking and expansive mountainscape belies the antlike cramming ofä overcrowded cities." Mimi settled in one such crowded city, Nagoya, where she lived as one of its typically disciplined and hard working dwellers for four-and-a-half years. She kept a small one-bedroom flat with very few amenities and "hardly any room for a dryer or refrigerator." Like everybody else, she bought fresh groceries daily and hung her laundry on a clothesline in the balcony.
Mimi was intrigued by Japan's co-existing fundamental and modern life-styles. While the first seemed shaped by centuries-old traditions, the other was visibly influenced by the west. She marveled at the relative ease with which ideas and technologies were absorbed and adapted from abroad. People were definitely fascinated by American movies, fashion and music. The younger generation sustained a passion for designer jeans and a penchant for pizza, Coca-Cola, McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
In Japan , Mimi unexpectedly found what is probably Asia's premier showcase of western culture. This trend towards westernization may have begun as early as 1852, when US President Millard Fillmore sent Commodore Matthew Perry to persuade Japan to open its trading ports to the West. When the Treaty of Nakagawa was signed two years later, it ushered in profound economic, political, and social changes. Inevitably, western culture slowly seeped in as well.
But through all the changes, Japan managed to preserve its special identity. Though loyalties to old ideas are beginning to break down, much of tradition has resisted change. In fact, for some die-hard traditionalists change has hardly even begun.
There is charm, after all, in the old way. Mimi remembered her mother's explicit instructions. When entering a Japanese house as a guest, leave your shoes by the tatami mat at the geinkan (entrance door). Bring a small hostess gift, it is expected. Greet your hosts apologetically with "Oja mashi-masu" (Forgive me for interrupting you by entering your house). It is disrespectful for female guests to wear slacks or pants; shirts are fine with skirts. Men should wear suit and tie.
If invited for dinner, it will be served in the tatami room. The table is low and the zabuton pillows around it are for female guests to kneel on and men to sit on, "Indian-style." Always wait for the hosts to announce when it is time to start eating. If invited for breakfast, expect a serving of tomago-gohan, which is fresh raw egg mixed with rice and served with tea and salad.
Put the bowl near your mouth when eating with ohashi (chopsticks). Yes, slurping is allowed when sipping soup from the bowl or eating noodles. Never push food around in your plate with your chopsticks. Never leave anything on your plate, especially rice. It is believed that rice is handled 88 times from planting to the plate, and not one grain should be wasted. You may help yourself to more food from the serving plate, but never use the end of the chopsticks which you used to put food into your mouth. Invert the sticks and use that end. Put your chopsticks on the ohashi tate (chopstick rest) so they do not touch the table cloth. After eating, do compliment your hosts on how delicious the food was. Lift your chopsticks to the level of your eyes, and bow.
In business, the principle of group consensus is generally followed. Self assertion is discouraged because Japanese proverb says, "The nail that sticks up gets pounded down." Expect the exchange of the meishi (business card), an indispensable part of any first business encounter. The Japanese use it to determine your group affiliation and to know how much "deference" you should be paid. "When a Japanese businessman offers you his meishi," Mimi recalls, "he will hand it to you with both hands, his forefingers and thumbs firmly clutching the edge of one side. You must reach out to receive it in the same manner--- with both hands, and your forefingers and thumbs holding the edge of the opposite side. Look at the name on the card, and bow. It is disrespectful to merely grab the card and throw it into your purse or pocket. Bowing is a sign of respect--- the deeper the bow, the more respect shown."
Through many generations, a Japanese woman's unquestioned duty is to become a wife, to raise children and to keep house. While women in the west aggressively pursue equal leadership roles in business and politics, Japanese women take bridal skill courses on tea ceremony, flower arranging, child-rearing and housekeeping. With fewer and fewer women relishing their traditionally subservient roles, this is slowly changing. Most have found work outside the home, either by choice or from necessity. But these women are still discriminated upon in the work force. As TIME Magazine correspondent Edwin Rheingold pointed out, "The door to the executive suite and the board room is still closed (to women)."
When a Japanese woman reaches tekireiki, the marriageable age of 23 to 25, there is a tremendous pressure for her to find a mate. Even Japanese corporations assist in this venture by sponsoring introductions between their single employees. Bachelor women prepare an omiai shashin, or "portfolio" of personal photographs and qualifications as a prospective wife. In most instances, the marriage is prearranged by a nakÛdo, a go-between, who could either be a friend of the family or a professional matchmaker. Before the official meeting of the prospective mates, an omiai is arranged for the matchmaker to present the woman's portfolio to the intended husband.
What qualities is he looking for? Looks, education and family standing. Preferably traditionally Japanese. Must not be too outspoken. Must have the qualities of a good mother who can raise children, keep house and be willing to stay home to take care of the family. There must be assurances of physical and mental well-being. Love is a distant consideration.
On the other hand, a good prospective husband is a college graduate, preferably holding a prestigious job in a well-known company, and fairly good-looking--- but not necessarily in that order. Most of all, he must be ready to assume the role of breadwinner. Sometimes, detectives are hired to look into the "pedigree" of the ancestors of both families, to make sure neither is tainted with any of Japan's hereditary "outcasts."
"To be unmarried at 25," Mimi says, "earns a woman the title of Christmas Cake because a Christmas cake drops in value after Christmas. On the other hand, a single Japanese male at 30, is a Buckwheat Noodle, because they say any man who is still unmarried at 30 is a little bit crazy."
A Japanese traditional wedding is an elaborately choreographed, dignified and formal occasion. The bride is not allowed to show any emotion. Wearing a white bridal kimono and the traditional Japanese wig, she puts ribbons and flower ornaments in her hair, and a white headdress "to cover the horns of jealousy."
The exchange of marital vows is done privately before a priest in a religious shrine. This is witnessed only by family members and very close friends while guests wait at a separate adjoining reception hall. After the ceremonial drinking of sake (rice wine) and the priest's blessings, the bride and groom move to a balcony to release two caged doves "to set their spirits free and soaring." They then enter the wedding hall, the bride staying three paces behind the groom to show her respect for the new head of the household.
Bride and groom sometimes entertain guests, jumping for example through fire hoops using stage props such as spotlights and simulated smoke from dry ice. The bride changes costumes three times: from the traditional wedding kimono, to a western style wedding gown without a wig, and finally to an evening gown of her choice. Guests bring money envelopes as wedding presents, and the newlyweds give their guests ornately-wrapped wedding souvenirs--- an oriental plate, chopsticks or preserved fish which symbolizes good health and good luck.
"Japanese wives raise the kids and choose the schools they go to," Mimi observes. "They manage family budgets and generally make decisions on big expenditures. A woman's primary relationship is with her children; ultimately, she is judged by how her children turn out. One Japanese proverb says: A good husband is healthy and absent!"
As the breadwinner, the Japanese male is often a workaholic. To unwind, he indulges in a very traditional health practice--- bathing in the communal onsen (hot spa), which represents physical, mental and spiritual cleansing. "This was a very big cultural experience for me," says Mimi, "because you must be naked. Of course, there are separate hot springs for men and women in the bathhouse."
For some, unwinding also means indulging in the spectator sports of baseball and sumo wrestling, or in executive games like archery, swordsmanship and golf. "For the young," says Mimi, "there is tennis in the summertime, swimming in indoor wave pools and water parks, skiing in the winter, and savoring nature on weekend treks to the mountains."
Mimi is back in America, still reeling from her adventure into a rich cultural heritage. She left a people grappling with change. Having learned something about the "tribe," she discovered a little more about herself. Will she be back in Japan? "Maybe someday," she says. For one thing, still single at 28, by the cultural standards of a homeland, Mimi is now a "Christmas cake!"

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